“As the number of birth control options has increased and continues increasing, so has the need for discernment. Therefore, we will examine various options on the continuum. I will differentiate between no birth control, contraception, which literally means “against (contra) conception” (such methods prevent conception, whereby a sperm fertilizes an egg), and abortion, which terminates the life of a fertilized egg…

…
Level 1 – No Birth Control

At the very least, every Christian married couple should cover their entire marriage with prayer, including the children God may bless them with. In prayer the Christian couple is demonstrating faith in the goodness and sovereignty of God over all of life, including the womb.

Some Christian couples determine to only use prayer in their family planning. As a result, they simply enjoy normal marital sexual relations and trust that if God desires for them to have a child, he will provide according to his timing. When this is chosen as the course of action by a Christian couple, family planning by simply praying and trusting that whatever happens is God’s good will is acceptable.

However, when this form of family planning is dogmatically pushed as the only faithful Christian option, such foolish legalism can lead to both self-righteousness and harm.

Level 2 – Natural Birth Control

Natural methods include any method of contraception where pregnancy is prevented by abstaining from vaginal sexual intercourse on days when the wife is likely to be fertile. The most popular natural method is the calendar-rhythm method, which has been replaced by more effective methods such as the symptothermal method and the standard days method. Fertility computers are a new development in contraceptive technology that makes these natural methods easier to use by telling a couple when sex will or won’t result in pregnancy. The Roman Catholic Church approves the use of natural methods. One common myth is that a mother cannot become pregnant while nursing, which, while true for some women, is not true for all women.

Level 3 – Non-Abortive Birth Control

Like the natural methods, non-abortive birth control methods also seek to influence the timing of conception but do so by taking either temporary or permanent additional measures. This method of birth control has quite a long history.

Temporary non-abortive temporary birth control methods are generally barrier methods. Barrier methods of contraception include all methods that permit intercourse but prevent the sperm and egg from coming together as their primary mechanism…

…To summarize, levels 1–3 are options for Christian couples to consider without concern that they may terminate a fertilized egg and thereby take a human life. At the next level we tread into more murky waters that are more difficult to discern for Christian couples.

Level 4 – Potentially Abortive Birth Control

“The pill” is a categorical term for more than forty types of oral contraceptives, which are also referred to as birth control pills and sometimes combination pills because they contain a mixture of estrogen and progestin. These hormonal contraceptives are designed to override the female body’s normal cycle and “trick” the brain into believing she’s already pregnant, thus preventing the release of an egg from the ovaries…

…In summary, Alcorn points out that there is not one but rather three purposes for birth control pills. First, the pill exists to inhibit ovulation, which is its primary means of birth control. Second, the pill thickens the cervical mucus with the effect that it becomes more difficult for sperm to travel to the egg. Third, the pill thins and shrivels the lining of the uterus so that it is unable or less able to facilitate the implantation of the newly fertilized egg. On this last point, Alcorn says, “Reproductive endocrinologists have demonstrated that Pill-induced changes cause the endometrium to appear ‘hostile’ or ‘poorly receptive’ to implantation.” Furthermore, “Magnetic Resonance Imaging (MRI) reveals that the endometrial lining of Pill users is consistently thinner than that of nonusers—up to 58 percent thinner.”

The bottom line is this: the first two purposes of birth control pills are contraceptive in nature and therefore acceptable for use by a Christian couple. However, the third function of birth control pills is potentially abortive in that it seeks to disrupt the ongoing life of a fertilized egg. That potentiality is incredibly controversial; thus, faithful Christians who are staunchly prolife and believe that life begins at conception are divided over the issue.

Level 5 – Abortive Murder

Abortion is taking a human life by killing a fertilized egg. Biblically, it is also known as the sin of murder. Abortions include medical procedures of various kinds as well as RU-486 or the morning-after pill. Other items that cause abortion are the intrauterine device (IUD) and Norplant, which do not prevent conception but prevent implantation of an already fertilized ovum. The result is an abortion, the killing of a conceived person…

…It may seem odd for me, as a pastor writing primarily for Christian readers, to include this level as a form of birth control. Yet, tragically, many people, including Christians, use abortion as a form of birth control. Undoubtedly, there are very rare cases where even the most devoutly Bible-believing, pro-life Christians are caught on the horns of an ethical dilemma involving abortion (e.g., when the mother’s life is at stake), but for the purposes of this chapter I am speaking of abortion in its majority sense as a murderous form of birth control. Regarding abortion, a division of Focus on the Family says,

The Alan Guttmacher Institute is a nonprofit corporation for reproductive health research and policy analysis. The Institute is also a public education arm of Planned Parenthood. It reports that one in six women who have had abortions are evangelical Christians. Based on these statistics, 5.6 million women in our churches have chosen abortion as a way out of an unwanted pregnancy. Each year, 1.5 million American women have an abortion. This means 250,000 evangelical Christian women could choose to abort a child this year.”

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Answer: A Christian parent should be the first person to speak with their child about these issues. The best age to discuss these matters varies from child to child but if a parent is going to err, they should err on the side of bringing up the matter too soon rather than too late. Ensuring that the lines of communication are open and honest between a parent and child is paramount. A parent must vigilantly remain aware of the questions and curiosities of their child(ren) and speak with frank biblical wisdom like the dad in Proverbs. Lastly, a godly parent should never shame or embarrass their child while speaking on this subject, but treat them as an emerging fellow adult. As a general rule, the beginning of sexual dialogue with a child should begin at a very young age, concerning what is inappropriate touch to help prevent sexual abuse www.kidsneedtoknow.com, and grow to include romantic and other physical touch along with biological changes by age ten. Discussing how God created sex for a married man and woman, and the changes that God created our bodies to go through as we develop, can help them see sexuality as normal, safe, and beautiful inside the marriage covenant. If you are establishing a trust in God and the Word from an early age, they will more naturally trust your words as they align with the Bible. Sadly, the average boy sees his first Internet pornography by age eleven, which means waiting until later than age ten is often too late to establish a solid biblical foundation for sexuality because the first bricks are already laid by the world.

Answer: Hebrews 4:15 tells us that Jesus was tempted in every way as we are, yet he did not sin. Because Jesus was a fully human virgin male, we can safely assume that some of the temptations he faced were sexual in nature. But Jesus never gave in to those temptations. He is our sinless and perfect God. Thus, it is not a sin for temptation to come to you, but it is a sin to give in to temptation. We must accept that in a fallen and sinful world, we will continually face various kinds of sexual temptation but must learn to run from them. A great example from Scripture is the time that Joseph literally ran from the sexual advances of a married woman in Genesis 39. If you are married, you can have a discussion with your wife and ask if she would be “visually generous” with you so you can have redeemed images of her.

Answer: Yes, this is a serious issue and you are sinning against them. Your sin is affecting other aspects of your marriage and causing your spouse to suffer, though they may not know why. Right now your sin is growing because it is hiding in darkness (a lie), and by confessing it to them and asking for their forgiveness you will be bringing it into the light, where it can be forgiven and healed over time. When you do confess to your spouse, please be careful to not blame them for your sin, but accept responsibility. In addition, both of you will most likely need to get help from a pastor or biblical counselor because this often does more damage than you are able to recognize at first.

Answer: Many wives feel more relaxed and focused on her husband away from home, so getting away now and then, even checking into a hotel for a few hours on date night, may be wise and helpful. There are always responsibilities (e.g., kids, chores) to tend to at home that can distract a woman and be difficult for her to ignore. To be more prepared for sex, a woman needs to think about her husband and intimacy throughout the day, but sometimes that can be resolved by getting away for a couple hours or overnight.

Answer: No. Genesis 12:10–14 says that Sarai was beautiful, even in her old age. Some women are lovely and to recognize this fact is, in itself, not a sin. However, recognizing a woman’s beauty does become a sin when a man lingers and lusts after that beautiful woman and begins to undress her or connect with her in his mind.

Answer: Men who have erotic dreams must first be sure that they are not spending their days filling their minds with images that rattle around their imagination as they dream at night. They should pray before they sleep each night that God would protect them from the enemy inside of them (their flesh) and the enemy outside of them (the devil). But if a man should have a wet dream after taking precautions to not lust, there is little he can do to prevent this from happening. For some men, a wet dream is simply the body’s way of relieving itself and may be little more than a natural biological function. If a man has a wet dream about his wife he is not in sin but likely should have more sex with her or should explain this to her in advance and wake her up at night when needed to be intimate with her.

Answer: Lou Paget (a non-Christian) has written a book for women called How to Be a Great Lover. It includes a chapter with many alternatives for a good helping hand that she may want to try. In addition, tell her what you do and do not like while she is experimenting so that she can learn through experience with you. This will be very important when you are unable to have normal sexual relations (e.g., after the birth of a baby). If you are agreeable to using toys, there is a website (please note that we do not necessarily endorse everything on this site) where you can order discreetly and without indecent packaging www.covenantspice.com. Some toys for men can be used to stimulate him while you are participating in pleasuring him, so as to not just leave it up to the toy alone, but build oneness.

Answer: This is a matter of conscience that you and your wife need to agree on lovingly. If toys are used, they should be used together for building oneness and not alone or in lieu of natural and regular sexual intimacy. Also, as 1 Corinthians 6:12 says, you should not be mastered by it or you will find yourself unable to fully enjoy sexual pleasure and orgasm apart from the toy, which will be devastating to your spouse. If you choose to purchase toys discreetly and without indecent packaging, www.covenantspice.com is a Christian-run website that can assist you with this, although we do not necessarily endorse everything on the site. Please be aware that the typical “toy” stores and Web sites contain pornographic images that can be disturbing.

Answer: The body is not well suited for this so make sure your wife is agreeable, do your homework, be careful if she is willing, and do not go from this to normal intercourse since you will infect her with bacteria. When you discuss the issue, it would be helpful for both of you to express why you do or don’t wish to participate in anal sex and then pray about it for a time if there is disagreement. Most people are either for or against it, and very few people are neutral. Many wives are not agreeable to this so do not force it on your wife as she will be tense and that will cause her pain; if you love her you would not seek to shame her or cause her pain. Thus, anal sex is technically permissible, but for a host of reasons may not be beneficial. We do not endorse everything on this website, but if you want to read some commentary on the issue from Christian married women, you can go to Christian Nymphos.