“I came to Seattle to get away from it all”
Changed by Jesus #41
By Lee Brown, Downtown campus
In North Carolina, I was a worship leader and youth pastor for almost six years, and I saw Jesus move in mighty ways. But there was something I constantly fought that I never truly dealt with: I struggled with pornography and homosexuality.
There were long periods during which I resisted these temptations, but all I was really doing was pushing these things aside and not dealing with them. I didn’t bring them into the light.
The deception finally caught up with me when my pastor asked me how I was doing with masturbation. I was honest with him, and as a result of my sin I was asked to leave the church and the community.
Two years ago, I came to Seattle to get away from it all. When I first arrived, I tried to go to church, but it didn’t feel right anymore. I thought I was condemned and began to tell myself that I could never be restored.
I gave in to pornography at every opportunity and sought out wrong relationships. I started getting drunk and high every night. For a year and a half this went on, and I was content to let it keep going. But after one particularly rough day, I prayed for Jesus to send someone into my life to help me return to Him.
That’s when my friend David got a job where I was working and began trying to minister to me. I wouldn’t have it. I just couldn’t believe that Jesus would have me back. He kept trying, and I kept resisting. When David moved on to a new job, the person that replaced him was also a Christian.
After two nights of working with her, I couldn’t take it anymore. I started to weep at the realization that Jesus was not giving up on me. I called David and soon after started coming to Mars Hill. I joined a community group, and the Holy Spirit gave me the courage to share my journey without holding anything back. I saw true grace for the first time in my life!
Jesus began to work on my heart and moved in me to begin restoring relationships back home. I took a trip and met with several of the leaders. I shared my journey with them and asked forgiveness. Jesus restored all the relationships. He went before me and prepared their hearts. I came back and joined a Mars Hill Redemption Group, and Jesus has continued to restore me to himself.
I’m feeling the freedom of living in the light. I still fight the flesh, but I’m learning to trust Jesus more and more everyday. I know that I’m saved and no one can take that away. I’ve learned one of the most important lessons that a Christian can learn…Jesus pursues!
Recommended Resources from Mars Hill Church
- Porn-Again Christian (free ebook)
- Death By Love
- Redemption Groups. Check with your campus for local offerings.
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