As part of the Religion Saves and Nine Other Misconceptions series, last Sunday I answered the question: “How does a Christian date righteously; and what are the physical, emotional, and mentally connecting boundaries a Christian must set while developing an intimate relationship prior to marriage?”

The entire answer is available for download in audio and video format on the Mars Hill Church website and on iTunes. It will also be expanded as a chapter for an upcoming book I am writing for Crossway.

Here’s a basic outline of the sermon:

I started by explaining four kinds of relationships–three of which are acceptable for Christians, and one of which is sinful (option #3).

#1 – Prearranged Marriage

#2 – Courtship

#3 – Non Christian Dating

#4 – Christian Dating

I also gave some practical advice for single men and single women alike, and advice for men and women specifically:

Christian Dating Principles for Both Men and Women

1. Maximize your singleness for God.
2. Do not pursue a relationship until you are ready to marry.
3. Be reasonable – do not set your expectations too high or too low.
4. A date is not dating: date = time together; dating = couple (1 Tim. 5:1-2).
5. Never go on a date or date a non-Christian (2 Cor. 6:14).
6. Only date one person at a time.
7. He initiates; she responds.
8. Look at who God puts in front of you (e.g. Boaz & Ruth).
9. Feel free to use technology (e.g. internet dating) wisely.
10. Only invest in a relationship with someone who you are attracted to entirely (e.g. physically, mentally, spiritually, emotionally, ministry gifts).
11. Only date someone who agrees with you on gender and family.
12. Guard your heart (Prov. 4:23).

Christian Dating Questions for Men

1. Are you overlooking good women (e.g. single moms, shy, divorcees)?
2. Are you honoring, God, her, her family, her friends, etc.?
3. Is she modest (1 Tim. 2:9)?
4. Will she follow your leadership?
5. Does she have noble character (Prov. 31)?
6. Can you provide for the lifestyle she expects (1 Tim. 5:8)?
7. Is she like the worst women in Proverbs (e.g. nag, loud, quarreling, unfaithful)?
8. Do you want your daughters to be like her and your sons to marry someone like her?

Christian Dating Questions for Women

1. Do you want to help him and join his course of life (Gen. 2:18; 1 Cor. 11:9)?
2. Is he tough enough to remain strong in tough times (2 Tim. 2:3)?
3. Will he take responsibility for you and your children (1 Cor. 11:3)?
4. Is he considerate and gentle with you (1 Peter 3:7)?
5. Will he be a good father (Ps. 127:3-5; Eph. 6:4)?
6. Is he a one woman man (1 Tim. 3:2)?
7. How valuable are you to him?
8. Do you want your sons to be like him and your daughters to marry someone like him?